Author: dustandfundamentalistss

feynites:

ainurs:

penny-anna:

animate-mush:

penny-anna:

hobbit-hole:

penny-anna:

hobbit-hole:

hobbit-hole:

if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win

all i am saying is that he would ostensibly be the easiest one to take on in a fight given that he’s like three feet tall and has led a life of (physical) leisure compared to all of the others due to his standing as a gentlehobbit

legolas, aragorn, and gimli are all used to combat, sam works as a gardener, merry and pippin often gallivant off and get into mischief so they have the advantage of experience in whatever it is they’ve gotten up to/would possibly fight dirty, gandalf is gandalf so while weapons are out of the question i suppose that depends on if magic is involved. i don’t think i could take him without magic even if he IS old because he’s a very large guy, but maybe

it would be my knuckles against Frodo’s baby soft poet hands, plus i’ve got the additional height and fighting experience. i just think that he would be the easiest to win against in hand-to-hand combat out of the rest of them. also he isn’t real so he can’t offer a rebuttal to my claim

you’re absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D:

this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he’s too polite to do that because it’s a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty

for someone who doesn’t want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo……….

OP is wrong though: you fight Pippin.

First off, Pippin has it coming, so you won’t be fighting your conscience at the same time.

Secondly, Pippin is a spoiled rich kid. He’s no less gentry than Frodo is, but Frodo works out and is shown to have better stamina, at least at the outset. Pippin is also both the stupidest and the slowest of the hobbits. They both nearly beat one (1) troll, so that’s comparable, but Pippin appears not to have got a single hit in against the orcs that captured them while Merry was cutting off hands like a boss. Pippin also straight-up tell Bergil that he’s not a fighter.

Also there’s a nonzero chance that Frodo will just straight up curse you (if the guilt of fighting Frodo isn’t enough if a curse by itself).

And, of course, if you try to fight Frodo, you will 100% end up fighting Sam, and he will wreck you (and you’ll deserve it, you monster)

Also: if you fight Frodo you’ll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on.

Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir.

So here’s the thing – you absolutely DO NOT want to try and fight Frodo or Pippin because they are going to be protected by the rest of the Fellowship, which basically exists to stop asshole Big People from picking on the hobbits. Folk might talk a big game but when the chips are down, you are not going to lay a single hand on any of the hobbits. Either you’ll find yourself immediately fighting all four of them or else you’ll move to land your first hit and suddenly Aragorn will side-tackle you into the trees. And he probably hits like a freight train tbh.

So here’s what you do:

You fight Legolas.

The thing about fist-fighting Legolas of course is that you will lose. This is not a fight you’re gonna win no matter what. But Legolas has his standing competition with Gimli, so once the challenge is issued, he’s not gonna let anyone else step in and fight you either. No one is liable to volunteer on his behalf, either, so you will only end up fighting the one member of the fellowship. If you are lucky he might also take his shirt off. Bonus!

Anyway.

Legolas will mop the floor with you, but he’s also already convinced you’re weaker than him anyway because you’re not an elf, so he’s gonna go kind of easy on you. And when you lose he will be all snide and superior about it, which means everyone in the fellowship is gonna sympathize with you, and Gimli will probably challenge him on your behalf afterwards, but here’s the key thing:

You will have lost a fist-fight to an immortal warrior prince.

That’s a way better loss to cop to than that time you tried to fistfight a pudgy gentlehobbit and got beaten to the point of unconsciousness by his gardener, yeah?

the-mighty-mistake:

zdartstuff:

fifiandbogart:

bernardbernieburns:

What was it he did? I cant miss an opportunity to drag Ross

So! First! He made out with Rachel while he was still dating Julie

THEN, he couldn’t decide which one he wanted to date more, so he kept dating Julie and didn’t tell Rachel anything about his decision after they had kissed

THEN he made a pros and cons list to decide whether or not to dump Julie so he could date Rachel and he wrote shit like: Too ditzy, too spoiled, too into her looks, not much in common since she’s just a waitress, and she has fat ankles

THEN, after he finally decided to dump Julie and be with Rachel, he tried to hide the list from her but she found it anyway and got rightfully pissed off

THEN he tried to make all sorts of excuses for the list without actually apologizing

THEN he ignored Rachel’s choice to be alone by CLIMBING UP THE SIDE OF THEIR BUILDING INTO THEIR FUCKING BALCONY to try and force her to listen to him read her “Pro-list”

THEN he gets his other friends to let him into the house after Rachel makes it clear that she doesn’t want to see him by going into her room

THEN Rachel tries to explain to him why she’s so hurt by the list by telling him that all the things he wrote on the list were things she actually hates about herself and it sucks he not only agrees with her but actually uses those things as reasons not to be with her

THEN he CONTINUES to try and make excuses for himself and even try to make her feel bad about being mad at him by turning the situation around by saying “If things were the other way around, there’s nothing you could write about me that would make me not want to be with you”

THEN, after Rachel makes it clear that she’s not interested in talking to him, he calls Monica and asks her to turn on the radio since he made a song request for her so he’s basically forcing Rachel to listen to him

SO IN CONCLUSION: He didn’t apologize ONE TIME for the list, he tried to manipulate Rachel into forgiving him by saying she’s overreacting, AND proceeded to ignore Rachel’s wishes for a little bit of space continuously

This has been an anti-Ross psa

KILL HIM

“There is nothing you could write on a list about me that would make me not want to be with you!”

“Well, that’s the difference between you and I, Ross. I wouldn’t write a list in the first place.”

Source: wenchyfloozymoo

thetvmouse:

I hate that buzzfeed unsolved post going around because it indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of dana katherine scully, who is weird as shit. she’s the one who ate the cricket, not mulder. she can do unspeakable things with her wrists. she knows a lot about vampire eroticism. apologize to her

thewugtest:

if youve never physically been in the presence of like, a real live wolf, and you probably wont get the chance to, heres some stuff about them you should know

  • a wolf’s fur is so unbelievably thick that you can get like, your whole hand into it while petting. and then you can keep going
  • wolves are a lot bigger than you think they are. think about how big you think a wolf is then just like double that
  • they dont really smell like dog but they DO smell and youre not going to be able to figure out if its a good smell or not
  • a wolf really wants to lick the inside of your mouth. he will not stop trying to lick the inside of your mouth at any cost, and generally speaking you need to press your lips together kind of tightly when he approaches your face so that he doesnt worm his damn tongue in there to give you what he thinks is an appropriate greeting
  • a wolf doesnt really want to look at you while you pet him but he wants you to pet him. hes embarrassed
  • if a grown ass wolf decides to lay down on you, you just have to deal with it and thats your life now
  • young wolves, much like young dogs, are overwhelmingly goofy and stupid. a teenage wolf will see your very fragile, very human shoulder and go “i can probably step on that with my full weight” and then he will do it
  • letting a wolf eat out of your hand is actually not remotely frightening, and youll want to do it all day