A haunted doll mistaking a creepy android to be a bigger, stronger, haunted doll, and the creepy android mistaking the haunted doll as a smaller, sassier android.
Android: [gets hit with rain water and short circuits] Haunted Doll: H̷O̷L̴Y̷ ̶W̵A̷T̸E̷R̶ ̵W̴A̵T̴C̵H̴ ̶O̶U̷T̴
Haunted Doll, dying: N̶E̵E̸D̷ ̷S̸O̵U̵L̸S̷ Android: [opens the haunted doll’s back and replaces the batteries] Haunted Doll: A̶C̶C̷E̷P̸T̶A̷B̸L̵E̴ ̷S̴U̴B̸S̵T̸I̷T̷U̴T̵E̴
Android: [transfers their data into a better body] Haunted Doll: A̸ ̵F̴L̸A̷W̵L̷E̴S̵S̷ ̷B̶O̸D̶Y̵ ̷P̶O̵S̶S̵E̷S̶S̵I̷O̷N̴
A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad
The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying “You can pet me, but don’t pick me up!” One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him “did you see the sign?” He said “yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don’t pet them!” Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said “I didn’t read it right did I?” And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said “its ok, i know you’ve got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits” And I still haven’t gotten over that interaction.
I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He’s a little thing tbh we call him short and long. So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like “hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your’s is so small I think it’s a good place to start.” Ofc I was like “yes he’s very friendly!” So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks “can I pick him up?” And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two’s lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes “hey man, it’s okay just relax I’d never let anything hurt you. He’s a good boy.” I’ll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5’3 , glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like ‘ah yes the two least intimidating living things I’ve seen in Boston all day he’ll feel relaxed around them’ and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy
My husband had this Dungeons and Dragons group ages ago, and one of the guys was TERRIFIED of cats. The moment he sees one he freezes up and can barely breathe. Said guy is almost seven feet tall and solid wall of muscle. Whenever he came over I’d put the cats in the bedroom and chill out with a book because my cats don’t like being shut away without one of us.
One of my cats was pawing at the door and meowing loudly, an indication she REALLY needs to use the litter box. I let her out and decide, hey, I’m hungry, and decide to the kitchen. I forgot to shut the bedroom door.
Next thing I hear is the group going completely silent. My husband very calmly asks me to come over and help him gather our two cats up. I go over to where the group is and my black cat, Cacoa, is rubbing up against the guy’s leg, purring, and doing her “let me on your lap” meow. The other cat, Jasper, is sitting at the window, chilling out. I go over and pick up Cacoa and tell the big dude she’s harmless, loves laps, and would be thrilled if he pet her. Very slowly he touches my cat’s face, and she leans right into his hand. He then pets her back and sighs because she’s really soft and purring like mad. After a few minutes he asks how to pick her up and if it’s okay if she sits on his lap.
He spent the next six hours spoiling my cat. The next week he showed up with cat treats and toys because he fell in love with the cats. He told me he was doing some research on house cats, and even talked to a vet about them. A couple months later he adopted two cats and was as thrilled and excited as a new parent.
Oh no a new one!!!
Blessed post.
I used to work at this stable for icelandic horses and every now and then this man would turn up by the field to just watch the horses. One time I walked by him as I was going to get the horses inside, and he went ”I always wanted to learn how to ride but I’m afraid of horses because they’re so huge. If I could ride ponies like this, maybe I’d dare but now I’m too big and heavy for them.” You should have seen his face when I told them that actually they’re not ponies, just small horses and they could totally carry him. His face just lit up. Next thing I’m helping him to get on back. Today he knows how to ride.
What I want to see is a mutual pining fic where everyone else knows they’re in love and have been for ages… because everyone else thinks they’re already together.
scenarios:
it being assumed that each member of the pair will plan the other’s birthday parties
the pining pair getting each other “consolation” Valentine’s Day gifts
the friend group inviting the pair to a wedding without a plus-one option
the friend group inviting the pair to stay over and only supplying one bed, because of course they only need one bed
friend group using one member of the pair as an answering machine for the other person
the pair answering questions like “do you ever think about getting married” with a resounding no because if they admit yes, they’ll end up gushing all their secret hopes and dreams regarding the other one, and the other one doesn’t want to get married anyway, so the point is moot
enough people asking why they don’t live together that they end up moving in together, relieved they weren’t the one to bring it up
the parents of one inviting the other to all family gatherings and it being established which way they share on holidays
whenever someone asks a member of the pair, alone, why they haven’t moved to the next stage of their relationship, the person responds that they’re afraid to lose the other and all that jazz, with everyone on entirely different pages as to what “the next stage” means
they’re each other’s emergency contact, for all those H/C opportunities
MORE THOUGHTS ON ASSUMED RELATIONSHIP TROPE
the siblings of one referring to the other as their sibling too (ditto for nieces/nephews/niblings)
parents of one insisting on taking the other one out for their birthday, too
parents dropping hints about grandchildren (adult child assumes it’s about their single status, presumed partner assumes it’s due to how they’re considered a family member who could also provide “grandchildren”)
seating arrangements always putting the two together (meals, movies, car rides)
follow-up to above: when there aren’t enough seats, one is expected to sit on the other’s lap when the other couples combine thusly
all their profile pics are of them together
the friend group intercedes when one of them gets flirted with by someone else because of the sheer level of awkward the pair exude
friend group members asking them (separately) for romantic advice in the certainty that they have it figured out, what with the awesome relationship
double-dates forever where they end up sitting next to each other while the other couple makes out during the movie
one ordering food/drink for the second while the second is in the restaurant/bar bathroom
ordering food with the assumption of sharing (bonus points for person being protective of their food against everyone else except their presumed partner)
one keeping track of the other’s allergies/medications and being the first to remind friend group about where the other can eat, etc.
friend group gets them both a pet/large gift/household item (bonus points of it’s for only ONE of their birthdays and not a gift-giving holiday)
POTENTIAL PLOT RESOLUTIONS
Add more tropes:
they need to fake date for something and are bewildered when no one notices
one of them needs to get married for a green card wedding. Whether they’re surprised or grateful when their entire friend group instantly confirms their cover story is up to you
THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED (as provided by the friend group)
OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES (as talked into by the friend group)
a friend who is a writer openly says in an interview that their popular romantic couple is based on them
One person realizes:
Person A confesses love of Person B to Friend A. Friend A just assumed they were always together, and maybe the lack of sex is just because Person B is asexual(?). We progress into Didn’t Know They Were Dating trope with Person A assuming they were the one who didn’t know (but their partner totally does, right?)
OPTIONAL the same exact conversation takes place between Person B and Friend B as well.
BONUS POINTS if Person A and Person B pretend they both knew they were dating the entire time so as not to hurt the other’s feelings.
ALTERNATE BONUS POINTS if neither is actually asexual, have the truth come out when one person refers to the other as ace and it spirals into “But YOU’RE ace!” “But I thought YOU were ace!” and the UST of cuddling is abruptly resolved
Misc:
friend group realizes and Much Ado About Nothing Ensues
for Contrived Plot Reasons (unicorns, spells, etc), the virginity of one is made public and the assumption is revealed
Person A goes on a date with someone else and the entire friend group is AGHAST AT THIS CHEATING, but Person B is just resigned and going “I just want them to be happy…” while everyone shouts to not give up on their love
new friend in friend group just outright asks, spawning massive confusion
hey, in the wake of Squirrel Hill please remember that this isn’t just about gun control, but about antisemitism as well. gun control is important, but it’s not the reason this tragedy has happened. antisemitism has been on the rise in the united states for years, and no amount of gun control debate will stop that. take an active part in combating antisemitism when you see it, both in yourself and in others. keep an eye open, please, to prevent this from ever happening again
I’ve been on a Discworld re-read for about a year now, and it just struck me how Pterry gets progressively angrier and less subtle about it throughout the series.
Like, we start out nice and easy with Rincewind who’s on some wacky adventures and ha ha ha oh golly that Twoflower sure is silly and the Luggage is epic, where can I get one. Meanwhile Rincewind just wants to live out his boring days as a boring Librarian but is dragged along against his will by an annoying little tourist guy and honestly? Fuck this.
We get the first view of Sam Vimes, and he’s just a drunken beaten down sod who wants to spend his last days as a copper in some dive but oh fuck now he has to fight a dragon and honestly? Fuck this.
The first time we see Granny Weatherwax, she’s just a cranky old woman who has never set foot outside her village but oh fuck now she has to guide this weird girl who should be a witch but is apparently a wizard all the way down to Ankh Morpork and honestly? Fuck this.
Like, these books deal with grumpy, cranky people. But mostly, the early books are a lot of fun. Sure, they have messages about good and evil and the weirdness of the world, and they’re good messages too, but mostly they are just wacky romps through a world that’s just different enough that we can have a good laugh about it without taking things too much to heart.
But then you get to Small Gods, in which organized religion is eviscerated so thorouhgly that if it was human, even the Quisition would say it’s gone a bit too far while at the same time not condemning people having faith which is kind of an important distinction.
You get to Men at Arms and I encourage everybody with an opinion on the Second Amendment to read that one.
You get to Jingo, Monstrous Regiment, Going Postal (featuring an evil CEO who is squeezing his own company dry to get to every last penny, not caring one lick about his product or his workers or his customers or anything else and who, coincidentally, works out of Tump Tower. I’m not making this up).
And just when you think, whew, this is getting a bit much but hey, look, he wrote YA as well! And it’s about this cute little girl who wants to be a witch and has help from a lot of rowdy blue little men, this will be fun! A bit of a break from all the anger!
Wrong.
The Tiffany Aching books are the angriest of all. But you know what the great thing is?
The great thing is that Pterry’s anger is the kind of fury that makes you want to get up and do something about it. It upsets you, sure. But it also says It’s up to you to change all of this. And you can change all of this, and even if you can’t. Do it anyway. Because magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.
It’s the kind of anger that gives you purpose, and it gives you hope. And that concludes my essay about why the Discworld series is so gloriously cathartic to read when it seems like all the world is going to shit.
So go. Read them, get angry and then get up and fight. Fight for truth. Justice. Freedom. Reasonably priced love and, most importantly, a hard-boiled egg.
GNU Terry Pratchett.
“All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!
Why do people hate turkey vultures I mean look at them
They’re super curious and clever and have that sense of innocent mischief you’d expect from a puppy.
They’re pretty much solar powered and they assume The Stance while recharging
CUTE FLOOFY NECK FEATHERS THAT MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE THEY’RE WEARING A TURTLE NECK!!
Since they lack the hooked talons of their raptor cousins, these lil dudes really can only use their beak to investigate stuff, so they just softly nibble things (until they decide that what they’re nibbling feels super fun to take apart and play with).
Plus their scientific name means Golden Purifier because of their golden brown feathers and the fact that they clean up all the nastiest bits of corpses.
DustAndFundamentalists 