no offense but I’ve been learning how to have fun in dumb circumstances
I was showering during the storm tonight and the light started flickering violently so I peeked out from the curtain and looked at my cat sitting on the counter and said to her “mrs obama it’s been an honor” and then the power went out
it’s sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there’s no non-fucked up part of rasputin’s existence
did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia’s greatest love machine
basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he’s a prophet or a saint because he’s got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia’s queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son’s haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they
(allegedly)
become lovers, probably, ‘cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now
(allegedly)
belongs to.
then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, because all of russia is slutshaming the queen he has too much power over the royal family and it’s helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he is magically unaffected by poison they get the dose wrong and he doesn’t die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn’t die, so they tell him to look at a crucifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn’t looking, and he doesn’t die, but they think he’s dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he’s gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn’t die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the forehead, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn’t go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this…. he died…. of hypothermia.
additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock.
Rasputin was an old god from times before humans
He is like a cleric gone wild
“did rasputin do something problematic” i am going to die
The idea that men’s careers will be ruined by false assault allegations is absurd considering how hard it is for credible allegations to have an impact. John Lasseter still works for Disney. Trump is President. Brett Kavanaugh was appointed to the Supreme Court without a proper investigation. Louis C.K. returned to comedy. Woody Allen has 16 Oscar nominations for best Original Screenplay.
It took 60 women accusing Bill Cosby for him to get 3-10 years. He got away with it for decades. He’s 81 so his career came, was celebrated, and is gone already, so no one can bemoan “oh, but think of his career!” as a pseudo-defence as to why he should go unpunished. 60 women came forward and he was convicted of 3 counts of assault…
Even the youtubers we all denounced years ago for their assaults have come back, making music, selling a book that takes advantage of the controversy, and earn thousands on patreon so it seems perpetrators of sexual assault are resilient as ever.
This is why women don’t come forward. They receive death threats, character assassinations, are harassed constantly, and all for what? For their assaulters to continue unaffected.
There are rare instances where something actually happens, like Harvey Weinstein, where Hollywood clawed over itself to go “oh no we don’t stand for that, we need to cut ourselves off from him immediately” to show how proactive they were and yet there are still countless actors out there we know have done horrible shit and continued to be celebrated. They just didn’t get enough news coverage while the #MeToo movement was fresh so there wasn’t any pressure to denounce them.
So ultimately it’s obvious that men can overwhelmingly get away with sexual assault. They do it constantly. The idea that innocent men will be ruined by sexual assault allegations is a fear tactic pushed by sexual predators trying to protect other sexual predators by enforcing the already common disbelief and hostility towards survivors of assault. It’s a bullshit. Don’t listen to it. Don’t be manipulated by it. Believe survivors.
Venom’s talk about being considered a loser on his planet, his quick fondness for Eddie, his pleasant surprise when Eddie first called them “we,” and his sudden switching of sides all lead me to conclude that like in the comics, movie!Venom is a big romantic sap that wanted a fairytale symbiosis with a perfect host and all the other reind- Klyntar can’t even deal with his nonsense.
No wonder Riot was so keen on finding him and getting him back on Plan Let’s Get Ready to Invade These Assholes. It’d been six months since he’d seen Venom, and he just knows that without supervision that fucking jackass has gone and fallen in love with the first son of a bitch that didn’t die on him and talked to him halfway decently and now he’s not gonna want to conquer the planet.
And sure enough, he’s not even surprised when Venom turns up all traitorous and married. He gives him one, fleeting chance to get in the fucking rocket, you lunatic, and then he’s just gonna fucking eat him. He’s tired of this, Venom. Absolutely done with this shit.
Riot: GODDAMMIT, VENOM, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS. LOOK AT HIM. YOUR TASTE IS GETTING WORSE.
Venom: HE GAVE ME TATER TOTS AND CALLED US “WE” AND “BUDDY.” WE KISSED IN THE FOREST UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. WE WILL HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN.
Riot: VENOM, DROP THAT THING RIGHT NOW, I WON’T TELL YOU AGAIN. HE SMELLS LIKE SWEAT AND FAILURE.
DustAndFundamentalists 