this is why hawke didn’t join the inquisition

silly-age:

liquidlyrium:

liquidlyrium:

ok but imagine Hawke trying to sell the Bone Pit to everyone they meet in Inquisition.

and cursing when NO ONE IS WILLING TO BUY IT

Like just combine this with Hawke as an Advisor AU:

Hawke: Inquisitor as your financial advisor—

IQ: That is not what I brought you into the Inquisition for.

Hawke: Inquisitor, I wonder if you’ve thought about your financial future. Real estate is where it’s at. Sound investments go a long way, just look at me! One expedition into the Deep Roads and that gave me the capital to start my real empire—property. Why, I have a lovely mine just outside of Kirkwall I’d be willing to sell you at a very low cost!

IQ: Is this the Bone Pit?

Hawke: WHO TOLD YOU—I mean… what a confident investment you can make with a mine of such renown.

IQ: Don’t you dare try to foist it off on me. I’ve heard the stories.

===

*standing at the war table*

Hawke: Cullen, you seem like a man who values… good metallurgy. How are the troops faring for raw materials for weapons and armor?

Cullen: Hawke, I lived in Kirkwall the same as you. Tell me one thing that isn’t wholly negative about the Bone Pit and maybe I’ll consider requisitioning it.

Hawke: ………It isn’t covered in Red Lyrium?

Cullen: Well, I suppose that is something. I’ll add that to the checklist of what we look for in a mine right next to ‘not completely on fire.’

Hawke: Well, not all of it’s on fire.

Cullen: (sighing) Maker’s breath.

===

*standing at the war table*

Hawke: Lady Montiliyet, please. Isn’t there anyone in your numerous string of contacts who might  be interested in a slightly used mine just outside the fair city of Kirkwall?

Josephine: Champion, with all due respect, if I tried to sell your mine to one of our allies, I think they would promptly cease being our ally.

Hawke: Do we have any enemies we can gift it to?

Josephine: (amused) I’ll have to give it some thought.

===

Hawke: Do you think if I give the Bone Pit to Corypheus it’d swing the odds in our favor?

Leliana: As much as I enjoy the thought of cursing our enemy with misfortune, he already has a dragon. Let’s not give him another.

Hawke: So, Iron Bull, I hear you like dragons?

Iron Bull: Boss told me to say no…  If we’re still alive once the Inquisition’s over, though—

Krem: Chief, no.